Pyrrhic Victory
by SoftNoodle
Summary: [ONESHOT] AU. SessKagish. When the definition of win becomes loss. Kagome makes a decision that will leave them all alone.


SM: Um...another oneshot. Not a happy story though...I just wanted to post something though, since I haven't posted recently. Sorry to disappoint those waiting for other things. I'm having issues with them. I have a lot written, and some finished chapters, only, they're out of order...I'm working on it...

Well, happy readings...it kinda sucks, but I was satisfied in the end, though that might be the lack of sleep talking.

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**Pyrrhic Victory**

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**Pyr·rhic victory** (prk) _n._

A victory that is offset by staggering losses.

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Kagome hesitated. Her fingers were mere millimeters from the knob. Just tensing her fingers, and they would have closed around the cold, round metal. A turn of her wrist, and the contraption would twist beneath her hand. A push would open the door. Kagome withdrew her hand, her heart dropping as she did so. He was close to her, so very close. He had every right to know…But she didn't want him to know. It was shameful, what she was doing. She didn't want to do it, but it was necessary. She had to do this.

Kagome squared her shoulders, her resolve hardening. She cast one apologetic look toward the door, and walked away. She walked away from him.

-:- -:- -:-

She was seven. He was fourteen.

At the time, it seemed like a rather large age gap for them to bridge. For some strange reason, they were among the few to be able to become friends, and remain close over the years. She was the smiling, friendly warmth in answer to his cold indifference. Yet, he was the responsible one who would always look out for her and take care of her when she was unable.

They grew up with one another. Against all odds, they grew ever closer, instead of apart. Though their relationship was frowned upon as they grew, they didn't care. It was when she was finishing high school and he had graduated with a Master's from college, they were finally separated.

He had prolonged it for as long as he could, but he had been inevitably drawn into the world of his father's business. He had not wanted to go, for he knew he would be separated from her. In the end, he had no choice. He left her behind.

She had cried. She tried to move on. She could never forget.

-:- -:- -:-

Six years passed.

She was twenty-four. He was thirty.

Their ages didn't seem to differ too much, but their lives had taken drastic turns.

He ruled one of the largest corporate empires Japan had ever seen. In his climb to power, his actions were lined with cruelty and blood. He cared for no one. Too much had happened for him to care any longer. He saw no point. People were toys, easily played with, easily discarded. He had taken many of the beautiful and exotic to his bed. He had turned out those that were useless to him. He destroyed those that threatened him. He was cold and alone.

She had taken to her family shrine. Her family had fallen on hard times. She worked three jobs in support of her family. She had no one to look out for her but herself. She became the one who looked out for others. She tried, but life became difficult for her. She had caught the eye of many, but none captured her heart. She was warm, but alone.

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They met one day in the streets. She was twenty seven. He was thirty three.

It was a dead dog that brought them together once more. His car ran it down. She ran out to save it.

He walked out to survey the damage to his car. She ran to check if the creature could be saved. They didn't notice each other at first. They shared passing glances. He studied her for a moment as she gasped. She remembered him. She could never forget him.

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Days later they met at a café. She was happy for him, he'd been so successful. She had never expected to see him again. In her mind, she had already passed from his memories, but she would always cherish her memories of him.

She smiled, her expression giving and kind. In return, he was stoic, neither giving nor taking. She didn't speak of herself, but always of others.

He took her hand. She blushed. He had missed her.

-:- -:- -:-

She watched silently from the shadows. She had never meant to eavesdrop. She had never meant to spy. It had all been unintentional. It still hurt.

She saw the women that graced his bed at night. She saw the women that held his arm in the day. She would never be more to him than what she was already. She knew what others' had thought of her. She had concluded, that as long as he cared, what they said about her wouldn't matter.

She had watched all silently. She smiled brightly for him when they spoke. She was positively radiant for him. They had been such good friends and she was loathe to give up their friendship. She had thought that he would have treasured their friendship as much as she.

She had been wrong. She had already passed from his thoughts, so, she passed soundlessly from his life.

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Months had passed since she had last seen Sesshoumaru. Kagome frowned in the cold. She wrapped her arms about herself in an attempt to warm her frozen body. She blew on her hands absently as she marched down the street, heading towards her home.

She missed Sesshoumaru terribly. She had not figured that by leaving him, she would also leave a gaping hole in herself. It wasn't friendship she was after, she mused bitterly. She wanted love. She wanted love from him, but she was sure that love would be the one thing he would be unwilling to give her. Well, love, affection, and apparently she wasn't even worthy of his friendship, she thought wryly.

Too late to be reminiscing now, she figured.

"Higurashi!"

Kagome turned at the sound of her name. Hojou was running behind her, waving his arms to catch her attention. She smiled and waited for him to catch up to her. He grinned brightly as he came to a rest beside her.

"You forgot this!" He said, handing over her yellow backpack.

Kagome returned his smile. "Thanks. I could never forgive myself if I left this behind." She murmured. It was her trusty yellow backpack. It had served her well during her school years, never letting her down. She used it on a daily basis for her work, often carrying her other uniforms and materials for the multiple jobs she maintained. It had also been a gift from Sesshoumaru when they were much younger.

"No problem!" He took an odd breath in, his eyes darting away from her, a hand raising to scratch the back of his head. "I..um, was wondering if you were…this weekend…" He stuttered, his face a vibrant scarlet shade.

Kagome laughed. He was so shy it was cute. "I work on Sundays and Saturday morning. But I should be free Saturday night." She replied, not wanting to torture the poor man into completing his strained request.

He brightened immediately. "Wow, you sure do work a lot, Higurashi-san!" He commented, lightly.

"I do." Kagome replied, trying not to wince. She did work a lot, but her family really needed the money. Her grandfather was too old to work. Her mother was having difficulties in getting employment since she would require odd hours. She already took care of their ailing grandfather, helping managing the shrine, and looked after her younger brother. Souta himself took a part-time job, and worked as hard as he could while still attending school.

"Well, don't work too hard, or it will be a strain on your health." He looked at her seriously before his expression lightened. "I'll see you on Saturday night. I'll give you a call on Friday and we can make any additional plans you need." He took up her hand in a friendly handshake, too shy to instigate anything more intimate, and was off running, waving at her.

Kagome's lips curled upwards uncontrollably. She waved back. Hojou really was a sweet young man. If she ever considered settling down to start a family, she thought that he would make an excellent husband and father. He was responsible and quite mature for his age.

She was also aware of his extremely open and poorly hidden feelings for her. Saying that he really liked her would be beyond an understatement. He was absolutely infatuated, entranced, besotted, smitten, taken, crazed, and utterly love-struck by her. Though she didn't know how or why. There was nothing special about her, in fact she denounced herself as sub-par.

Kagome was a plain girl. She came from a family of almost no money. She was clumsy and absent minded. She was clever, and a hard-worker, but that could hardly make up for all her other failings. Either way, she considered herself lucky to have caught the attention of such a kind and caring person as Hojou.

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Kagome tittered nervously on her feet. Her current employer had called her to his office so suddenly, she worried. She hoped that she wasn't going to be fired. She had worked really hard at this job. It was one of the highest paid jobs she was presently employed in.

The man at the desk before her swiveled slowly in his chair, turning to finally face her. He smiled at her warmly. "Ah, Higurashi-san, please take a seat." He gestured at the chair set in front of his desk.

"Thank you." She replied meekly, settling down into the seat.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed. Kagome shifted nervously, twiddling her fingers in her lap. Her boss watched it all with amusement.

"You can relax, Higurashi-san. I can assure you that you've done nothing wrong." He said evenly.

Her shoulders relaxed by about a hair.

Mirth danced openly in his eyes. "I have a proposal for you, Higurashi-san. I'd be most pleased if you heard me out."

"Of course." She replied, squeaking. She wrought up the courage to look him in the face.

He grinned once her attention was focused on him. "I have a son, you know." The elderly man began. "He is…somewhat much older than you, but I think that it won't matter much in the long run."

Kagome's heart plummeted. She hoped that he wasn't suggesting what she thought he was suggesting.

"My boy is my pride and joy. The apple of my eye, you could say. He is strong, brilliant, and the heir to my fortune. He lacks though, decent taste in women. He'll sleep around with almost any short skirt with no commitments. He will be loyal to fault though, once you can tie him down. I believe marriage is an answer to his current dilemma. Once the boy's been hooked, he won't stray."

Kagome's stomach sank to her knees. Cold dread filled the space her stomach had just vacated.

"You, Kagome-dear," he dropped the formality of her name abruptly, "are just what I think he needs. You're a kind, studious, reliable, and a hard-working kind of girl. Giving in all aspects. You're also quite the eye candy if I do say so myself." He said with a grin.

"Th-thank you sir." She stammered out, blushing and paling with trepidation. He couldn't be suggesting it, he just couldn't!

"I believe that it would be a good match, if you were to wed my son, Kagome." He said in all seriousness. He linked his hands together and set them on his desk, his eyes focused on hers, boring into her. "I would, very much, like to hear a positive response from you."

"I-I…" Kagome inhaled sharply. She had met his son. He had been polite and gentlemanly, but Kagome didn't think she would ever want to marry him.

Seeing her apprehension, he lightened his tone immediately. "Now, don't think that this marriage would be without benefits. Once you agree, you will be well taken care of. You won't have a care in the world, not one." He promised. "Money will be no problem at all. You'll be able to take care of your family, move them to a mansion if you so desire. Billions of dollars will be at your disposal!" He was almost shouting in his exuberance.

"I can't…" Kagome stammered out weakly. "Please don't take any offense. It's a beautiful offer, but I think it should be made to someone more worthy. I'm just a secretary's assistant." She replied quickly in defense of rejecting his offer.

"Nonsense! There is none more perfect than you. My son has already seen you, and I dare say, he was quite smitten. You are the only one he will agree to marry!"

Kagome flushed deeply. "But I-…"

"Kagome…" Her boss's tone became warning. He looked at her almost pityingly. He shook his head slowly and leaned back in his executive's chair. "I hear that you're working, what was it, three jobs currently?" He asked airily.

She bowed her head in silence. Right now, it was four. She had managed to rope in a graveyard shift at a private company.

"You work very hard to support that family of yours. Your brother is going to college soon. Your grandfather recently returned from the hospital after he threw out his hip. Your mother had a small spill down the stairs, and is in the hospital now, with a broken back, no less." He said softly, listing off her family's ails as if he were quietly reciting a grocery list. "You need the money."

Kagome bit back a sob. It was true. She was desperate. How long had it been since she slept decently in her bed. She was always working. She didn't have a choice. Now, she was being offered something amazing. All she would have to sacrifice was herself. It was then that she realized, that even after her heartbreak, she hadn't given up on love yet. She still wanted to find that special person that would love her unconditionally for who she was.

A slip of white entered her vision. Her boss was sliding a sheet toward her.

"The contract." He explained. "Trust me, it is in your best interests to sign. Don't burden yourself. I can promise you that you will be well taken care of. My son has expressed a deep interest in you. Sign this, and all of your worries will vanish. I can ensure your happiness, Kagome."

Eyes blurred as she stared down at the contract, the Sounga name emblazoned along the top. She rubbed at her eyes vigorously. She was being selfish. Her family came first. She could sacrifice herself for her family if it meant that they would be taken care of, they needed it more than she. After all, finding that special someone was a one-in-a-billion chance. Right in front of her was an offer made in fairy tales. She'd be a fool to reject it…

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Sesshoumaru looked up from his desk. He scowled at the doorway. He could sense another person on the other side. It was annoying that whoever it was just stood there, hesitating. As he was about to get up and open the door himself, the person abruptly left.

He shrugged. It was of no consequence to him. If it had been important, the person would come back later. He sat back down and perused the papers on his desk, concentrating on the numbers typed across the white sheets.

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She had run home crying that night. Hojou found her halfway home. Surprised to find her in such a state, he walked her to her house, comforting her throughout the night. He didn't leave her side, and he was so considerate of her, not prying into her troubles.

She had latched on to him, sobbing into his shirt. He didn't mind, stroking her head comfortingly. He only smiled when she raised her tear-stained face to his.

"Thank you." She murmured over and over. She was so thankful to have at least one person with her, watching over her, even if he wasn't the person she really wanted there. Deep in her heart, she knew, she could only love like that once.

"Hojou, thank you so much." She whispered before falling into a fitful slumber.

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"Kagome!"

She turned, startled. She'd never heard a voice so angry directed at her before. Her eyes widened. "Se-Sesshoumaru?" She questioned disbelievingly. "What are you doing here?" Her head turned about. She was sitting on the slope of a beach, her bare feet buried in the cool sand as she watched the sunset. She had been contemplating the decision she had made.

Golden eyes narrowed as he stared down at her. "Just what were you thinking, leaving like that. Do you have any idea how worried I was for you?" He demanded, his rage flowing off him in waves.

"I…" She trailed off. She had never expected that. She had thought that he had already forgotten about her. It was so easy to forget about her. He was a very busy man.

"You what?" He snapped impatiently.

Kagome flinched. She looked down, staring at her toes as she wiggled them in the sand. "I thought I would get out of your way. I'm only a burden to you, after all."

"Who told you that?" He demanded icily. He wasn't mad at her. He could never be mad at her. He was angry at himself. It had taken so long for him to notice her absence. Even longer to find her. He was bitterly surprised to have discovered the tattered clues leading him to her. She had held multiple jobs for the past ten years. She sacrificed college in order to work and support her family.

She had never said anything to him! He could have helped her! All she would have had to do was ask!

Kagome shrugged. "No one told me that." No one directly, she mused to herself. I'm a leech, a parasite to him. He doesn't need me there, messing things up.

Sesshoumaru sighed, raking his fingers through his hair in irritation. He sat down beside her, almost violently, if there was such a manner of sitting. "Kagome…" He said in his warning tone. It was a tone he used when they were younger, when it was painfully obvious that she was lying. "What aren't you telling me?"

_Everything._

"Nothing. It's alright. I'm ok. You're messing up your nice clothes, you know."

He didn't believe her. "I know about your family."

Kagome stiffened. "It's alright now, it really is." Please leave before I start crying again, she pleaded silently. Leave now.

"No, it's not Kagome. Your grandfather has been in and out of the hospital. Your mother recently broke her back. Souta's going to college soon. You're wracking up bills and you've been in debt for far too long. Why didn't you tell me?"

She flashed him a weak smile. "It was nothing to concern you with." She dug small holes in the sand with her toes.

"You needed help. There are ways to do this without sacrificing yourself all the time."

_No, I can't risk anyone else._

"I know. But it's easier on them this way."

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair again. It was his habit of exasperation, and no one was more exasperating to him than Kagome.

Before he could speak, Kagome interrupted him. "Please leave, Sesshoumaru."

"What?" He raised surprised eyes at her.

"I know what I am, and I know what I'm not." She said quietly, staring at her feet once more. "Things have changed since we were kids. You made that quite clear to me. I don't need you looking out for me, and I don't think that you want to either."

"Kagome-!"

"I think that…you were right in that aspect, in the idea of our relationship. I was just…someone from your past. I have no future with you. I'm just a leech."

"KAGOME!" Who put that into her head? It wasn't true!

"It's ok, I already heard. I know about you and Yura. You and Sara. You and Kagura. You and Kikyou." She said patiently. "I know that you value them over me. I was just someone to pass the time with until you found something more interesting."

He froze. She…had heard that? He hadn't meant them, those hurtful words. He had needed to say them. He couldn't have any weaknesses. He always had to be cold…except to her. He treasured her more than anything else. She was never meant to hear that.

"I didn't mean that." He bowed his head. Both hands fingering his hair now. "They were all lies. I needed them for a purpose, and I couldn't let them know how much you meant to me."

She shook her head. A tiny smile flickered on her face. "You don't have to lie, I understand. It doesn't really hurt anymore. You've moved on to bigger and better things, and I haven't. I'm just Kagome, some girl from your past."

"No." He choked out. "You were never that. You are so much more."

She stood abruptly, dusting the sand off her clothes. Her eyes held a sad, faraway look to them as she looked behind them. He turned to see what had caught her attention.

A black car had driven up, parking at the top of the slope. His eyes narrowed as a door opened and a man stepped out from the driver's seat.

The wind caught the man's dark, wavy hair, billowing it out to the side. His ruby eyes lit upon Kagome almost instantly. He reached out one hand, beckoning her to him. To Sesshoumaru's shock, she went.

His arm snaked out before she even realized he was moving. Sesshoumaru's hand clamped down on her wrist and drew her back from the other man. He recognized the other man easily. They were, after all, rivals.

Takemaru Setsuna! Sesshoumaru snarled. What was he doing here? What did he have to do with Kagome?

Takemaru smirked. He had not expected Sesshoumaru there. Judging from the way he was clutching the girl, he obviously had an attachment to her as well. He reached out again, crooking a finger for her to come.

Kagome tried to wriggle from Sesshoumaru's grasp, but he held firm. "What is Takemaru doing here." He hissed.

"He's here to pick me up. Please let me go, I have to leave." Kagome pleaded. She had stopped her futile struggles and simply asked, turning sad eyes on him.

"Why?"

Kagome sighed.

"She is going to marry me." Takemaru replied snidely.

Both eyes turned to him in surprise. They had not noticed him make his way down to them.

"What?" Sesshoumaru asked lowly, his grip tightening on Kagome's wrist.

She winced. That was sure to leave a bruise.

"I said, she is going to marry me." Takemaru repeated, gaining no small satisfaction from the way his rival's expression twisted.

"Why?" He demanded.

"I've taken quite a shine to her. She's a very lovely creature. She works for father though. He's the one who talked her into it." Takemaru answered nonchalantly.

Golden eyes turned to the girl, questions ran rampant through his gaze.

Kagome looked down. "I needed the money." She replied shamefully.

"You could have told me!" Sesshoumaru's tone was almost accusing. "Kagome, believe me, had I known, you wouldn't have needed to ask! I would have taken care of you!"

No. No. Kagome didn't want to hear those words from him. Not now. She had already come to a decision. She couldn't back down now. "I don't need your pity money. I'm just a pity case for you. Some one to look down on, and know that you'll always be better." She bit out scathingly. _I'm so sorry, Sesshoumaru!_

"No, Kagome. You were never!"

"That's not what you said to those girls. That's not what you said to your associates. Even that one 'business partner' of yours. He hit on me right after you left, after you assured him that I was just an amusement of yours."

_I know you didn't mean it. But it's better this way._

"I was trying to protect you. If you got too close, it would have become dangerous. Look at it right now. You were threatened into this, weren't you. Takemaru's just using you to get to me."

Kagome stilled. Takemaru was watching the exchange, amusement dancing in his eyes. She looked at him, and Takemaru nodded.

"Actually, he didn't even know of my connection to you. I was working for his father when he noticed me first. That was before I saw you again." Kagome replied quietly. "He had been trying to get close for a while. I don't think that he was aware of any connection between us until now."

"What?" Had he really been that paranoid? He had tried to keep a distance in trying to protect her. He hadn't meant to push her away like he did. He wanted her near him, but was afraid for her. Now, he had lost her to his enemy because he had not held on to her.

She was going to get married, to someone who wanted her. It had nothing to do with him at all.

She saw his dawning realization. She bowed. "Arigatou, Sesshoumaru-san. It was very kind of you to speak with me today." She didn't see him wince as she added the formality to his name. "I must be going."

Takemaru took her in his arms and proceeded to walk up the embankment with her.

Sesshoumaru frowned. He couldn't leave it like this! "Kagome!" He called out.

She paused and turned.

"I love you." He whispered, barely able to hold back the choked noise in his throat. He had never wanted to lose her, especially not like this. He had only wanted to protect her. She was the only person to have ever befriended him like she did. She never wanted anything more from him than just himself. She was the most important person to him. He prayed that she would change her mind.

Kagome's eyes clenched shut. She drew slow breaths, fighting back her tears. His love. It was what she had wanted more than anything else in the world. Was this what it took for her to get it? She had given up her everything and more. She had her heart broken. She had her heart healed. She had finally won his love.

She turned slowly, her movements agonizing as she walked away from him.

His love. It was a treasure utterly priceless to her. It was something she would cherish forever. But it was too late.

She never knew how much she had wanted his affections until it was too late. She would never have known how much he had prized her until it was too late.

She was leaving him, standing alone in the sand.

She had signed the contract yesterday.

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_Fin_

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SM: This was something that kind of hit me yesterday. I wrote it at two am though, so please forgive if it sucks. Originally, before I attatched a title to it, this was a happy ending. Um...I kind of killed it. I have problems with happy endings...

In case the names were confusing, Sara is from the special, ep 133-134, I believe. The Woman Who Loved Sesshoumaru. That one. Also, Takemaru and Sounga came from the third movie. He was originally Naraku, but I got a little tired of using him since I use him so often in fics like these.


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